Cinna's Arms
by xyadove
Summary: Peeta breaks down after another rejection by Katniss. Cinna finds him on the roof. PROMPT: UST; simple attraction. Cinna/Peeta. RATED T.


**Cinna/Peeta**, UST: simple attraction. Especially between the first and second games. Cinna is lonely, and attached to his tributes, but feels only paternal love for Katniss, and he admires the devotion and inner strength Peeta carries. It inspires him. Peeta is lonely, from Katniss's rejections, and wonders how someone like Cinna can appear so content in life, seemingly without love.

"Goodnight, Katniss," says the blonde boy sweetly. He leans down to place a tender kiss on her forehead, but she ducks away.

"Peeta, there are no cameras here. Goodnight." The girl turns and walks toward her room without a backward glance, dark braid swinging. The blonde boy watches her leave; the hurt in his eyes that Katniss never sees quite clear even from a distance. He has let down his outer shell for a moment, and the true Peeta is out in the open. I watch. Eventually, the blonde turns and walks in the other direction, back straight and all his defenses back up.

I push open the door to the dining room, and try to shrug off the feeling that it's wrong to watch the two tributes when they think they are alone. But I cannot help it. They are magnetizing in their emotions; way older than two teens should ever have to feel. I admire Katniss' outward beauty and strength, and I do love her, really I do. But I cannot help but be exasperated at the way she's blind to Peeta. How can she ignore those eyes, the longing in them? His devotion to her is like nothing I have ever seen before, and she is the luckiest girl in the world. Maybe that is just the way the world works. To have something everyone wants, but be unable to see it, to accept it.

My thoughts are interrupted by an Avox entering the room silently. He moves to start tucking in chairs, and I help with a few. I nod a goodbye to him, and start walking down the long hallways to the glass elevator. My mind is fogged. Tonight, I need to find somewhere to think.

I stare out at the wide view of the city of Panem. The wind is horrendously loud, but the chilliness does wonders. Tears are stinging my eyes; it must be the wind. Who am I kidding? I sniff loudly and impatiently rub my eyes with the heels of my hands. Peeta, you are so weak, I think to myself. I'm just glad I managed to hold in these tears until I got to the rooftop. I always do, though. I could never let Katniss see me cry. She wouldn't understand… She might even be repulsed. I have never seen Katniss lose her composure; she is so strong. It really is no wonder why she doesn't like me. _I _don't like me. Actually, I don't even understand why I like her. It's so obvious we're not right for each other; I'm shocked the Capitol fell for it. She's strong, independent, beautiful. And I'm… not. I'm just Peeta. I choke out a wracking sob and throw my hands in front of my mouth, hoping nobody heard that. Of course not, I'm alone. The sounds coming echoing out of me sound horrible, liken a screeching newborn, but I don't bother to hold them in anymore.

I look down both sides of the hallway before stepping out of the elevator, checking to make sure that I'm alone. My mind dwells on the next couple of costume ideas for Katniss and Peeta. It is hard to plan for them; somehow, I need to make Katniss fierce and endearing. And then, I must make Peeta look strong and vulnerable. I shake my head to clear it of feathers, buttons and satin all floating around. It doesn't help to plan when I'm not focused. Maybe I should show more skin on Peeta… Show more muscle, and make him less protected? No, no, Portia and I already agreed we wouldn't rely on sex appeal in their costumes. Really, I need to focus on Katniss. Peeta is so good with words, he can make people love him easily. And his love for Katniss… The Capitol gets that too. Katniss is the one that needs all the help she can get from our designs. I push on the door leading to the roof, hard, trying to open it against the wind. I can just slip through before it slams shut again. I hear a terrible noise and I freeze. Someone's found me. I edge around the doorway blocking my way, and look. There's Peeta, my solid, strong Peeta, hunched over on himself near the edge of the roof. I hear the noise again and recognize for what it is. Anguish. Oh no, not Peeta. I can feel my heart breaking into pieces.

Alright, Peeta. That's enough. I wipe my nose messily and try my best to stop crying. The worst thing about this crying thing, is well, I don't even understand why. Why am I crying? I know that Katniss isn't right for me. I don't understand myself why I like her. Why I've liked her for so long… Even before she ever glanced once at me. There is nothing worse than pain that doesn't have a properly identifiable source. And the more I think about it, the more painful it gets. I can feel myself shaking with uncontrollable sobs again. It's all I can do to wrap my arms around myself and hope that I can stay together this way. Why… Why why… Couldn't it have been someone else?

I jump suddenly as I feel a light touch on my shoulder. Spinning around, I see Cinna, standing behind me, with a concerned look on his face.

"Peeta," he says, holding a hand out. That's all he needs to say before I barrel into his arms and I'm crying against his shoulder. His arms wrap around me, rubbing me on the back. He makes small soothing noises. I continue to cry, mumbling incoherently into his shirt. After a while he starts to lower himself down, taking me with him, onto the ground so we can sit and I can continue to lean on him.

Peeta's willingness to take comfort and sympathy surprised me. I never knew the extent of his heartbreak beneath those eyes, but now it is here in front of me. Like a dam broken loose, literally. I stroke his back and murmur that everything's going to be okay, and that I've got him, but I'm not sure he's listening. I know that what he needs most right now is a shoulder to cry on. It's the least I can do.

It's interesting holding Peeta's big burly body against my own thin one; that I'm the one comforting him. But I don't complain. I wait for him to let it all out, thinking about what Katniss would think if she could see Peeta like this. She probably wouldn't know what to do with him; Katniss is used to everyone acting strong around her. I think that is what keeps her strongest. Eventually, Peeta's sobs start to quiet and his shaking becomes less substantial. I continue to rub circle into him though, enjoying the feeling of his muscle beneath my hand.

"Cinna," starts Peeta, sniffing. "Have you ever felt this way? Like there's some unbearable pain that you can't take and you don't know where it's coming from?"

"Oh, Peeta," I say. "You know where it's coming from. I know what it's like to not be loved back." I smile down sadly at Peeta's tearful eyes.

"But, Cinna, you're always so happy. You always know what to do, and you're always with people who want you. Or who love you."

I hold him closer and say quietly, "Everyone in the Capitol knows how to fake things Peeta. Sometimes, even in this crowd, I feel like the loneliest person in the world." Peeta attempts a wan smile back. "I think you need to realize that people actually do truly admire you Peeta."

He snorts, "Yeah, sure. Like who?"

"Like me," I respond, tilting his head up to look me in the eyes so he knows I'm telling the truth.

"You? Why?" Peeta's eyes are wide and searching mine for the answer. His breath smells sweet, feels warm against my face. I suddenly realize how close we are.

"I admire you for your ability to love. And your devotion to everything you believe in. And I know I'm not the only one."

"Then why am I always so lonely…" Peeta's eyes well up again with fresh tears. And without stopping and thinking, I close the few inches between us and kiss his soft, warm lips.

Cinna's lips are against mine, and all I can think is how soft and warm they are compared to Katniss'; how finally I am not the one initiating the kiss. At first, I do not respond, but then my lips are moving of their own accord, opening up and allowing Cinna's breath to mingle with mine. I feel the wetness of his tongue against my lip, and I allow him in to explore my mouth. He takes his time, savouring every moment. I feel precious.

There's a breeze of cool air as Cinna's hand goes under my shirt, feeling along the muscle on my chest and stomach. He moves so slowly, I can barely stand it, like his mapping out all of my skin. I take my hands, and move one to his face, pressing him closer to me. The other, I put on his wrist, guiding him faster, brushing against first one nipple, than the other-

"PEETA! Peeta! I'm really sorry okay, I know you didn't mean to make me feel weird!"

Cinna and I spring apart as Katniss' harsh voice cuts across the roof. Cinna stands quickly, helping me to get up without looking at me.

And somehow, Katniss has managed to crush me again.


End file.
